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This year represents a full decade since the word “ghosting” entered the mainstream. Initially, the notion that someone could suddenly stop communication with a lover without a word seemed like the peak of disrespect. Our innocence was charming. In the 10 years since, navigating toward a significant other has only become more confounding – an oftentimes fruitless exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly shaped by social media slang.

Generation Z, a demographic who came of age during a social isolation crisis, a masculinity crisis, and a coordinated attack on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic landscape than their millennial elders could ever fathom. And so their romantic glossary has grown more elaborate and more deranged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” pushing the limits of your mental fortitude.

The following list is a detailed glossary to the phrases this generation is using to talk about romance, sex and the search of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most enduring online sayings, by the end of this list you’ll ache to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Realness – In the view of gen Z, romance's gold standard is showing up as your true, raw self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A social media test connected to a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your date's reply is inquisitive or disinterested. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while radiating mystery and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This means going for someone who helps you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a chair for you to sit down.

Task-based bonding – A date where two people form a link while handling tasks, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped young adults do affordable romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Melting down – Melting down when you feel burdened by life. You can spiral over a infatuation or breakup, spilling all of your (unrequited) feelings.

The Letter D

Dink – Double income, no kids. Once a signifier of 1980s yuppie excess, it describes pairs who opt out of having children to focus on their own well-being. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Open communication – The antithesis of being guarded: embracing dialogue, transparency and openness.

The Letter F

Flags

• Red flags – Behavioral quirks indicating a prospective partner is trouble. For instance calling their former partners unstable, poor gratuity habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Good indicators – These actions confirm your decision to pursue a mate. For instance following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, low phone use, owning a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These usually describe niche, mostly harmless idiosyncrasies. Such as being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still carrying around a pen in their wallet, paying rent in physical money …

Freak matching – When you find someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the WWII or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who hates the same stuff or people that you do (few things creates closeness faster than sharing a nemesis).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy likes.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of silence.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon partner who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Gooners – A mostly online community of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, deliberately delaying climax so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A mindset describing many women's increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An archetype championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and happily domestic, who apparently has no goals of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Random and frequently trivial repulsions that instantly kill any feelings of desire.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an extremely sweet act.

J

Professions – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate catch: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in professions they see as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, teachers or therapists.

K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that kissing has been around for 16m years. But the era of locking lips may be limited since some gen Z want fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen romance believable.

Enhanced profile crafting – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {